My son needs some advice on how to honor his recently deceased dad at his wedding. Any ideas?

He is getting married in October of 2010. He and his girlfriend lost their dads two months apart. They thought it would be a lovely idea to honor them, but how?My son needs some advice on how to honor his recently deceased dad at his wedding. Any ideas?
At the wedding, honor them by mentioning them on the program. At the reception, they might set up a little table with pictures of their dads. Perhaps you could place a pretty box with some notecards, and ask your guests to write a memory about the two fathers, to give to the bride and groom.





Death is NOT a negative thing. It's simply a part of life. Allowing guests to write a happy memory on the cards for the bride and groom to read later would be a lovely gift.My son needs some advice on how to honor his recently deceased dad at his wedding. Any ideas?
We are one of the very few societies that claims that death should be a negative thing. Most cultures celebrate the life of the deceased, not mourn their passing. So, with that in mind, celebrate the lives of the deceased without making guests who don't feel the same way uncomfortable.





My husband's mother and grandparents had all passed in a matter of a couple years and my uncle had recently passed. We happen to get married in a venue with fireplace, so we placed their wedding photos on the mantle. Family members took notice, but most guests didn't even realize.





Use their wedding photos so that people don't find it as morbid, and find a nice place to put them, maybe even next to the guest book.
I went to a wedding and they had a pillar candle displayed to one side of the altar (on the piano actually). The grandma of the bride had recently died. The pastor lit it before the ceremony and said it was for ';Those who are here with us in spirit.'; Anyway, you could have a similar candle off on a small table near the guest book and have a little card saying that phrase, and include small framed photos if you want to behind the candle of any family members who are deceased like grandparents, siblings, or parents.





Anyway, I think it is fine to remember a person who is deceased. People today don't like to talk about or consider death, but it is a fact of life. When you remember the dead, you should try to be happy for them since they are waiting for you in a better place, not avoid any mention of these formative figures like they were the plague.
When a friend got married her mother in law was too ill to attend the wedding. They had a vase of white roses on the altar with a note in the program to say the groom's mother was there in spirit. Her ';something borrowed'; was an item of jewelry that belonged to her MIL. That was also noted in the program.





The hallway to the reception was lined in old family pics with signs saying who the people were. Maybe your son can do the same with some lovely flowers highlighting the fathers pics.





At another friend's wedding, the groom's father was too ill to attend. They did a simple toast to him. It was very sweet.
You've gotten some really good ideas here, but I agree with those who suggest a more ';toned down'; approach. The more obvious and direct it is, the more it has the potential to make people sad or, even worse, uncomfortable. I was at a wedding once where they had 2 chairs left empty in the front for the grooms mom and the bride's dad. It was, to be blunt, horrible.





I do not think there should be mention of them on the programs. However, I do think each of them could do a BRIEF toast to their missing parent at the reception, or even something like ';Dad, I know you're watching right now and I love you and miss you';. But please keep it brief. You don't want a roomful of sobbing people and I've seen this, as well.
When my sister in law got married to her second husband whos father had also passed recently, they had a bottle of his favorite wine and did a simple remembrance toast. Most people didn't have a clue who they were talking about except the immediate family. It was not sad and somber and bereaved. It was just a click of the glasses of wine with his mother, a look heaven ward and my new brother-in-law simply said, ';heres to you dad.';





No big deal but his father was a part of it.
A wedding is a ';positive'; and joyful experience, and a death is a ';negative'; experience so you want to avoid bringing any obvious negative elements into your wedding ceremony. There are several ways that you can ';honor'; these gentlemen without sadness or gloom.





Here's a few examples . . Find out their favorite color or their favorite item or their favorite flower and use that information for the Bride's bouquet or the Groom's boutonniere or in some type of decorative item at the reception. This was put in a ceremony program recently, ';The butterfly in Mary's bouquet is in memory of her Grandfather, John David White.'; And here's another example, ';The purple violet boutonniere on John's tuxedo is in honor of his Grandmother, Sadie Smith, who loved violets.';





Another Bride and Groom brought framed wedding photographs of their parents and grandparents to their ceremony site (a Victorian bed and breakfast). The photographs were put on the fireplace mantel and side tables in the grand parlor with a small wedding bouquet in front of each of the photographs. Both the Bride and Groom said, ';Our family will be watching our ceremony.';





You want to avoid ';saying'; anything that might upset family members or guests. It is appropriate to do something in a subtle manner or in the background but you do not want to make this a memorial service, it is a wedding. So whatever you do . . keep it simple and keep it in the background.





Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
My daughter is getting married next week and her dad died a few years ago so her step dad is walking her in but we bought her a locket and put her dads picture to wear on her wedding dad


So in a way her dad will still be walking in with his daughter as well on her big day


Sorry I cannot suggest anything for her h2b but maybe look at him wearing a ring that belonged to his dad on the day
I went to a wedding where the bride had recently lost her father. She had a small table with candles and flowers and a framed pic of her father to the side of the aisle so that everyone would see it as they were headed to their seats. Very moving.
He should definitely mention his father ( and hers if she is not giving a speech ) in his speech. Perhaps something on the lines of he knows how happy they would be for their children on this day.





I wouldn't have pictures of the fathers on the tables.
That would depend if you wanted to do it privately or publicly. Blow up their pictures, 10 x 12 or bigger, set them at the head table, and have a toast for them during the ceremonies.
i agree with Kill_ somewhat. I have felt the same way. If anything, I'd place Loving memory of ____ on the back of the programs or bottom of the program and thats it.
I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a lovely idea at all. When I am invited to a wedding, I assume that I am invited to a festive celebration of two people who are very much in love coming together as a new family. It frosts me to be invited to what is a happy event and then be asked to mourn and grieve, especially if I don't even know the person being mourned. This is supposed to be about two people getting married, not about every drama in the lives of these two people and their families. If you want more mourning, have a second funeral or something. Don't spoil the festive mood of your guests by reminding them that you are bereaved. This really brings out the meanest part of me, as I find myself thinking ';Aren't they alread getting enough attention as Bride, Groom, Mother of .. , Father of ... , but now they want an extra dose of attention as The Bereaved?';





If family wants to do something with just family fine. But don't invite people to a happy event and then pelt them with your sadness.